The Cherry Tree Knows

IMG_0234The cherry blossoms popped out this past week, throwing their abundance in my face. I wasn’t ready for this. The large tree behind our house in Brooklyn declares that Lucian’s birthday is approaching. I watch this tree each year, holding a small hope close to my heart: that it blooms its lush, pink petals just around April 27th- that they will hang over us like they did on his second birthday, when one little friend came over; we ate cake with strawberries and cream, and my curly haired boy sat on my lap to blow out his candle. Or like they bloomed for his third birthday, when we invited other children to bring their tricycles and scooters, and they raced around on the driveway under the pink canopy.

I’ve been peeking at the buds all around our neighborhood, able to enjoy their occasional bursts of color and frivolity with a peaceful sense of appreciation.  At the same rate as the buds themselves (tiny, timidly at first) come out, I’m drawn back into the circle of growth, dormancy, regrowth.  Life, death, life.

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A Working Lunch

So here I am, in self-imposed exile, trying to write my story.  I’m alone in a warm house, it’s very, very quiet. The snow outside the windows looks like it’s beginning to melt. I don’t go out much, and I don’t have to- there’s plenty to eat in the fridge. I enjoy scrounging through the vegetable drawers to see what I can come up with. I don’t want to spend a lot of time cooking for myself, but I do think about my meals plenty. Even so, I should probably write more than I’m actually writing. Stalling? Right now I’m toasting a piece of somewhat stale baguette with a thick layer of fresh goat cheese (the kind that comes in a log), and some thyme leaves on top. First I used that trick of sprinkling the bread with water and toasting it lightly to bring it back, before I spread it with cheese and popped it in the toaster oven again. The goat cheese will melt a little. The thyme will give it that incredible, savory perfume that reminds me of summer and feeds into a long held fantasy about eating meals outside, somewhere in Provence. It usually happens when goat cheese and fresh thyme are united: I can feel the hot sun on the top of my head, and on my shoulders, where it blazes through the sand-colored fabric of my shirt. There’s a bee buzzing lazily around, and we linger at the long table, our feet in the grass. I gaze out at the lavender fields and…

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The toaster oven beeps. I drizzle a healthy amount of the most delectable olive oil (the one I reserve for special moments) on top of my toast, and impatiently take a bite before I put it on a plate with some cucumber slices. I sit, looking at my lunch and thinking about it for a few moments. Do I even like goat cheese warm and melty? I always think I will, but then when I eat it I think the texture is off-putting, a tiny bit slimy, in a state of pseudo-melt. And I usually don’t like chevre added to an omelette or other egg dishes, because I think it’s overpowering. But here, today, it’s perfectly fine, a creamy match for the extra crunch of the now-resuscitated baguette, and that whiff of thyme…

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Then I’ll eat. And read a page of a magazine. At some point (pretty soon) I’ll feel guilty about spending too much time sitting here eating and reading, and not enough time writing- so I’ll stand up and put my plate in the sink. Time to start thinking about dinner.

 

Crisp and Cool, Quiet

img_7511The eiderdown of snow that had blanketed the yard and decorated the trees, the houses, and even the clothesline (much more festively than we had, with our one twinkly, light-wrapped wreath on the front door) and had lasted through New Year’s Eve, is all gone now. I was surprised by the nakedness of everything when I arrived here yesterday from the city. But the winter sun is cheery, and the air is crisp and cool.

I have missed my lunch due to the train travel, and so at 3 o’clock I stand at the kitchen counter and eat decadent slabs of the Stilton, left over from my New Year’s Eve splurging, which was waiting loyally for me in the fridge. I alternate nibbles of celery, crunchy and saline, with the Stilton, which coats my mouth with savory, mulchy richness- and round out each bite with a slice of sweet Pink Lady apple from the orchard down the road.

I am alone in this foreign quiet, this shell of a house. Just at 4:15, as dusk descends, I open the door to illuminate the wreath- and with a reflex I bend my leg to keep the puppy from running out the door. But just as quickly I remember that the dog is not here.

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Going for a Dip

This election day has got me all- I don’t know what- amped up and wishful, I guess, and a little nervous too. I just can’t wait until this long season, with its animosity and tension, its media fixation and wasted energy, is over.  A week ago I was feeling really panicked about the nation’s future, but today I am feeling hopeful. When I saw the queue around the block and when I walked into my neighborhood polling place- a public school gymnasium- and saw that instead of the usual half-empty room, there was an additional one with a quadruple, snaking line leading into the voting room, I felt elated. People really wanted to exercise their right to vote today. And as much as I have mixed feelings about continuing to abide in this part of Brooklyn, where I have experienced so much violence and sadness, I am still full of love for the community. I was overcome with emotion when I watched my ballot sliding into the scanner, and I almost cried as I said Thank You to the kind church-lady volunteer who helped me through the process. I love the mix of people around us here. I saw families I have known since Lucian and Theo were babies, and people who’ve lived around the corner from us for years, with whom we’ve never spoken. Many strangers, some friends, one collective push forward.

We’re going to be with neighborhood friends this evening watching the results. When we were invited, we decided comfort food was in order. I got all fired up to make good old-fashioned “French” Onion Dip, and I bought many bags of Tyrell’s salt and cracked black pepper potato chips for dipping. Last week, when I was feeling more pessimistic, though, I was thinking maybe I’d make Devils on Horseback, and present them with an ironic flourish… but now I’m glad to say a crowd-pleaser is in order: something with depth- something sensible, kind, comforting and reliable.

img_6172Cooking the onions earlier today was fun- I made a large batch ( 3 pounds of onions) so I had two pans going to caramelize them efficiently. After they were browned and very soft, I cooled them down and went about my day.  Later on I pulsed them in the food processor with sour cream, and a few dashes of the excellent Red Boat Fish Sauce (or use another Asian fish sauce, or Worcestershire sauce) and a drop of sherry vinegar. Done.

Now I’ve got some delicate bubbly rosé chilling and I’m ready to start dipping in.

Caramelized Onion Dip

Serves 8-10

olive oil

1 1/2 pounds yellow onions, thinly sliced

coarse salt

1 cup sour cream, preferably organic (better texture and a real, cultured cream flavor)

pinch of sugar, any type

pinch of cayenne pepper, optional

Asian fish sauce, about 3/4 tsp or to taste

sherry or balsamic vinegar, about 1/2 tsp, or to taste

Coat the bottom of a large, heavy skillet with olive oil and place over high heat. When oil is shimmering, add onions and a large pinch of salt; cook, stirring occasionally, until browned and beginning to soften. Reduce heat to medium-low and continue to cook, stirring from time to time, until meltingly tender- 25-30 minutes. Add a pinch of sugar. Set aside until cooled to room temperature.

Transfer onions to food processor with sour cream and pulse until coarsely pureed. Season to taste with remaining ingredients. Best if allowed to stand for at least an hour so flavors can mingle.

Serve with the best potato chips you can find, and a bottle of sparkling wine.

 

POST SCRIPT

In hindsight, maybe Devils on Horseback were in order…

devils on horseback

Remove pits from large dates, such as Medjool. Tuck a small knob of blue cheese inside each date and wrap with thinly sliced bacon or pancetta. Roast in a hot oven until sizzling and the bacon is beginning to brown. Serve warm.

These are good served without bacon too. But I think the bacon is the devil part, and that’s the salient point. Don’t forget the napkins! Things may get messy.